Angel of Jealousy

Silence is screaming
I’ll bat an eye and cast my spell
The Devils are dreaming
Dreaming of a blue angel

Squirrel Nut Zippers – Blue Angel#

Many years ago a friend of mine introduced him to me. You know how we usually try to find familiar features for something new or unfamiliar? “It tastes like chicken” or “She reminds me of my class-mate’s younger sister.” He was unusual. He was different. I was intrigued but I couldn’t place him into any familiar context. And it bothered me. Or maybe I was just too much of a good girl back then and wasn’t adventurous enough for him. Anyway, it didn’t work out between us.

Ben Affleck as angel in DogmaI met him again five years later. I wasn’t surprised to see him here, a half-world away from where I got to know him. A lot has changed since we met first and this time something just clicked. I fell in love. I made him a part of my life. I wanted him to accompany me everywhere – nights out, birthdays, parties. I wanted all my friends to meet him. I was so happy… until one of my girlfriends confessed that she felt she was falling for him. I know I didn’t have any real reasons for it, I know it was irrational but I panicked: what if she gets him? We belonged to the same crowd; we would be coming to the same events.

Have you ever been in the situation when you find yourself wearing the same piece of clothing (a blouse, a dress or a tie – though I’m not sure if it has the same meaning for men as it does for women) as somebody else in the group? I have. In my high school years at a dance party I met a girl wearing almost an identical top (just the color of a pattern was different). It was a big party and probably nobody else had noticed that fact but my evening was ruined: most of my efforts went to monitoring her relocations and trying to keep my distance from her. And that was just a top. Can you imagine how I would have felt if I had to be in the same room with my friend wearing the same perfume?!!  My Angel?!!

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